How Eddie Betts Dads

[00:00:00] Hamish is a dad who loves to be a dad but he knows there's more to learn about being a dad so he made this show where he talks to all the dads so he can find out how other dads dad, how other dads dad.

[00:00:19] Good day everyone. Welcome to another episode of How Other Dads Dad. I am Hamish. Today's episode is with a wonderful bloke. Eddie Betts is an absolute legend if you're an AFL fan or even just aware of the AFL or even if you're not an AFL fan and you've ever had a game on.

[00:00:40] There's a chance you've seen Eddie Betts. He is one of the very few people to play 350 games in the AFL, which is a heck of a lot but we're obviously not here to talk about his career in the AFL but it does provide I think a bit of a backdrop as to who he is and what he's able to do for his family and his community.

[00:01:01] He is also an exciting player to watch. He has one goal of the year, I think it's four times more than me so that's four. Four times goal of the year winner but today he's here because it doesn't matter what he does with his feet, it's what he does with his heart as not a bad segue.

[00:01:21] I feel like that's where people will be like, ah you probably wrote that down. I actually don't so sorry for pausing to pat myself on the back for the segue but we are here to talk to Eddie and hear what his heart is all about.

[00:01:34] I've met Eddie a couple of times but not that many times but I was aware that he had five kids and I see his work, I see how awesome he is with his own kids, I hear stories about what a great daddy is and that's why I wanted to catch up with him getting on the podcast.

[00:01:50] And also as you hear in our chat, he is extremely community minded and that's just in his nature, it's in his DNA I think to provide for the community and to give to his community.

[00:02:02] He's actually got, I think it's two children's book, he's got My Kind and My People, that is part of Eddie's little homies series which I think if I'm not mistaken is about to get made into a Netflix show so it is doing a lot of stuff outside of the football world.

[00:02:19] And as you're about to hear, the rigors of football had nothing compared to the rigors of five kids and then the extended world which he wants to support. I really hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

[00:02:31] Massey thanks Eddie for the time. Please enjoy How Eddie Bets Dads. How are the dads dad? Eddie Bets welcome. Thanks, how you been?

[00:02:46] This is awesome. This is awesome man. I mean last time we saw each other was actually pre doing the big freeze. I was dressed as Elsa. It was disturbing a little bit but it was cute.

[00:02:57] Yeah thank you. I mean I had to return the outfit otherwise it would have, I actually think I'd, I think I broke the outfit during the big freeze. I didn't even get my money back but. The last thing I said, Elsa's exposing herself because, yeah she was.

[00:03:08] We had to try and cover you up a little bit. I mean Disney would not have been happy with my portrayal of Elsa because like a hardcore Janet Jackson Super Bowl Elsa.

[00:03:16] Mate thank you for doing this. Let's start with your dad stats. How many kids have you got? What are their ages? I've got five beautiful children. Louis is the oldest so he's 10 turning 11. Billy is 7 turning 8.

[00:03:33] Elsa Maggie, twin girls are 4 turning 5 and Sonny or Eddie as his name is Eddie but it's a bit confusing in our soul so we just call him Sonny. He is 2 at the moment. I mean I've got a Sonny myself but he was originally called Sonny. Oh was he?

[00:03:50] Yeah well I mean did you, I mean you obviously named him yourself. I mean did you call him Eddie and then go actually what have we done? Yeah well it was funny because he wasn't named for two days and we're just thinking.

[00:04:00] He had so many kids he'd run out of names. Yeah we ran out of names and we're thinking what can we call him? What can we call this kid?

[00:04:06] Because he was a surprise, it was a COVID baby so he was a surprise and we wouldn't change it for the world. But yeah we ran out of names and so we said why don't we just call him Eddie.

[00:04:18] We're like yeah but then it got too confusing and seriously Anna my partner wants to change his name. Like I've got an email on my phone. I don't want to change it, she does but it came through from the government saying

[00:04:28] I would give you permission to sign the paperwork to change his name from Eddie to Sonny. Wow so you're refusing to sign it? Yeah well yeah that's the thing I mean you know often you hear like historically like with fathers and sons

[00:04:40] it's like that's a big moment when you name a son after yourself you don't hear of many reversals. Yeah well I think the thing is though see my grandfather's Eddie Betz, my dad is Eddie Betz and I'm Eddie Betz so he's the fourth generation of Eddie Betz.

[00:04:55] So we've already got Eddie Betz's like my dad and my grandfather myself so we don't really need another Eddie Betz so But you mean that's the point of keeping it going I mean so you're refusing to sign?

[00:05:07] I'm refusing to sign I'm standing strong sorry honey I'm standing strong. But he will always be Sonny. But he'll always be Sonny so at Kindi when we drop him off his name's in the book Sonny.

[00:05:20] Whatever we have written down it's Sonny on his bags and lunchbox everything's Sonny. Well as the father of a Sonny, he's got a great time ahead of him. Yes yes.

[00:05:32] Man it's a quote I mean my small interaction with you I was really struck at you know you are obviously you know with five kids you've got no choice but for your life to be revolving around kids

[00:05:44] and even just this morning as we're setting up we're talking school runs, we're talking everything else. Is it something you always knew was in your future to be a dad I mean let alone a dad of five kids

[00:05:55] but to be a dad is that something you always planned on or did it evolve over time? I think it was planned but I didn't plan really to have kids I knew in the future I was going to have kids

[00:06:05] I love kids I was brought up in a big community an Aboriginal community back home and we have a big family so you know I've eight I think about 25 first cousins and so they're like in Aboriginal culture we call our brothers and sisters some older

[00:06:23] and a lot younger and you know in order to survive within this family we're all at a role to play and look after one another look after the little ones and I guess even now when you go back to communities

[00:06:34] you see kids especially older kids looking after the younger kids looking after the younger cousins their siblings all of it so you become that natural leader kind of father figure anyway as growing up

[00:06:45] because you become an older brother you become an older brother it's like a it's almost like a father rehearsal it's almost like a father rehearsal and now when I go to like I went up to Darwin for example

[00:06:55] just the last two years at the end of the season I played a couple of games but my kids are a lot younger but they were looked after by the communities all the older kids would just pick up the kids if he's crying

[00:07:07] Sonny was crying they'll pick him up Cuddlym you know I've got kids that come home now they come down from Darwin they go to Xavier they come home on weekends Xavier the colleagues

[00:07:18] they're staying at a boarding house they're at 15 but they come home they pick up Sonny Cuddlym he goes to sleep like they put the kids to sleep change their nappies do the whole thing so

[00:07:28] I love that I mean is it is that specifically taught is it just assumed is it do you model it do you see other kids doing it and you do it when you're growing up in a community like that how does it get him pregnant into you?

[00:07:42] I think it's in brain like you know like it's you watch your older cousins doing it you watch you know you watch like they change they change my nappies so yeah yeah you know my mom

[00:07:51] my dad my cousins my older brothers my older sisters they would change my nappies and growing up you know I would change my my nieces nappies my younger sisters and younger brothers nappies

[00:08:03] and it just evolves over time and you know they you they see it growing up and it becomes natural becomes a norm like it takes a when you speak about Aboriginal families it takes a village to raise

[00:08:14] a kid yeah and everyone raises kids together within in that family. I love that and it's definitely different than my experience growing up and I think for a lot of you know

[00:08:25] for a lot of non-Aboriginal people listening they're like well that's not the culture a lot of us grew up in like what benefits can you feel what benefits has given you to have that village raise you

[00:08:36] and to be part of that village as aside from actually giving mum and dad a break which I think is an obvious benefit but what is it what does it give you like in terms of a bond and a connection

[00:08:48] like I guess it feel it install those values in you as a young kid that caring nature you're growing up caring for your community caring for your family yeah yeah and you got no other choice because

[00:08:59] that's the way that we lived we grew up in a big family so you know it's always you know treat treat people how you would like to be treated be kind looking after the and it's not just the little ones

[00:09:10] like the young kids do look after the elders as well I mean I went to a community in Gumball Lunge in the Arnhem Land and there was this old granny she was in this little car a little car

[00:09:24] that she has because she can't really walk and it's got gears and she was stuck and I swear to God a three-year-old kid walked up looked at Nana put the thing in gear changed gears and got her out of it

[00:09:36] that wouldn't happen in in Melbourne in the community like the nightly this is the young kids they look after the elders as well and you know yeah like I said it's all those values in you as a young

[00:09:49] kid to have that caring nature to look after everyone to treat everyone how you like to be treated and you become a leader within within the community as well almost feels almost by default

[00:10:00] you become a leader because yeah not you're not suddenly put in a position that's unfamiliar to you I suppose it has that creeping feeling if from the age of three four you're interacting with everyone

[00:10:10] it's not a leap to suddenly be in charge of people or to be leading yeah and I know I guess and that's for me as well like I want to educate people on on that leadership as well

[00:10:21] I wanted to educate the AFL being in the AFL system for 17 years as our Aboriginal people we lead differently because we've been brought up in these big families in order to survive

[00:10:31] in these families we all had to play a role we all had to become the leader we all had to be the leader for one another and that's leadership in itself yeah right so to you

[00:10:37] leadership really is intermesh with caring I always see it and I always say that organizations and corporates when I do talks I'm like leadership Aboriginal leadership has always felt not often heard and every organization that I've been involved with every footy club I've been involved with

[00:10:53] I'll guarantee you they've felt my presence within that organization I might not be able to use my voice a lot and talk and stand up and be the one at the front presenting

[00:11:02] and pointing and doing all the decision making but that would have felt my presence in there the way that I've cared for the team with the way that I brought the group together

[00:11:09] what I looked after most of my teammates I made them felt so that's leadership in itself so it's the it's the thousands of little caring acts that are that that's the leadership effect yeah and I guess you know and like I said leadership comes in all

[00:11:24] different shapes forms and I guess you know we just need to understand and feel that leadership and to you being a dad you know if there are a lot of parallels I think with leadership you're a co-leader of the family you know with

[00:11:37] with your partner but it carries like a lot of the same traits is that something that you do see being a dad as essentially being a leader we have to be you have to be yeah you have to be got another choice you got five little

[00:11:49] ones that you gotta look after you know they look up to you they and this is and I wanted to tell us from the start so my mum and dad not together so they

[00:11:57] split up when when I was younger so my mum moved to Western Australia my dad stayed in poor Lincoln in South Australia the dad wasn't in my life growing up but that's no disrespect to my father he's a wonderful person kind hard

[00:12:09] person we have a great relationship we've got that type bond and we'll always always have that type bond but I didn't grow up with him and I didn't really have a father figure in my life growing up and so my father

[00:12:23] figures for me were my older brothers yep so I idolized my older brothers and I did what they did they taught me everything and they were my father figures it wasn't just one person it was all my older brothers so to my kids

[00:12:37] you know now I want to be I guess the father that I needed when I was growing up to my kids and so and that's not no disrespect to my father he's a wonderful

[00:12:47] father but he just wasn't there because my mum and dad split up so you know I want to spoil my kids I want to teach my kids and like I said I want to be the

[00:12:54] father to them that I needed when I was growing up I think so many guys feel that way in this generation like with guys about our age and we've spoken about this before where you have that feeling sometimes when your dad was

[00:13:06] present in your life too for people where there is still that feeling of going ah there's a pain or a memory of like there's something I was lacking growing up that you know that hurt that we feel that something there's an

[00:13:19] absence and that we're trying to fix as dads that we're trying to feel and it's awesome that you had your brothers there to help model that is there ever a worry as now you look to be a dad to go well I didn't I am making it up

[00:13:32] you know there's that feeling of going I'm going off my best instincts here but I'm feel like I'm doing this for the first time I'm not really repeating a thing that I've seen too much yeah I don't think I'm not making

[00:13:43] up I feel like I've been a father my whole life but like in a sense I'm looking after the community around me but yeah sometimes you do have to go with the flow you have to go with the flow have to go with the flow with

[00:13:57] fatherhood and yeah it's sometimes it is tough because like we want to install the values in our kids that you know to be strong to ask questions to challenge decisions you know whatever decisions are throwing

[00:14:12] your way challenged them we want you to have a voice I want my kids to define that voice at a young age sometimes that's challenging ourselves when we're at home and it's frustrating how does that go because

[00:14:23] I mean that's a beautiful quality to instill in kids but it also means you have to seed a little bit of authority that you know and and sometimes it is tough and most of the times it's dinner time as well

[00:14:35] where you lay out dinner they don't feel like eating it and sometimes you got to pick your battles I mean I mean it is do you find it is interesting when you get your own words used back at you a lot where like you

[00:14:47] know do you have your kids going hey you tell me to have a voice well you tell me to speak up the kids and what kids are like they're like sponges you say sorry a thousand times they won't say sorry you say yes bomb

[00:14:59] once and they soak that up and use that word a hundred more times than the word sorry not sponges are they they're very specific like where's all the empathy I'm displaying let's see a bit of that

[00:15:11] coming back out but yeah it's it is challenging at a time because you have to sit and listen and try challenge them back when they said hang on you told me to ask the questions to challenge you

[00:15:23] and you know I guess when I say pick your battles at dinner time I guess eight o'clock at night when they come back down and they're hungry because they miss dinner three weeks won't hurt

[00:15:32] absolutely man the one I get from my daughter is come on we've you've got like please you go get in Jami's gotta get into bed and she's like dad I'm the boss of my body you told me on the boss of my body and that's

[00:15:45] Jami's is about my body and going to my body is going to bed and I'm the boss of the body was mm-hmm yeah no that's true you are the boss of your body and that is but okay well I need to be the boss of where the body

[00:15:56] goes at the moment even though you're the boss of the body my son my son Louis the oldest one he is almost taller than me so he's shooting up and he looked at me the other day and he said dad I'm

[00:16:07] almost taller than you once I'm taller than you can't talk to you can't talk down to me you can't me I have to talk down to you and make decisions then I was like hang on that's not how it

[00:16:16] works buddy all right Kef you're taller than me yeah man pretty tough when you're the one of the old home grotes more forward like that's not the rule that's not the rule three three words I do ask

[00:16:27] people before they come on like are there three sort of key components three words that you would base your fathering philosophy on one of the three words will be a village yeah for me because it takes a village to raise a family takes a village slash community to

[00:16:41] raise a family because that's the way that Aboriginal people like grow up and live within big families and the other one be freedom you know letting kids be free testing the boundaries I guess and challenging their authority and as

[00:16:59] parents you know I don't want to I don't want to power trip my kids yeah I guess so that's where they can challenge that back and the way that I was growing up was to be free and

[00:17:12] you know took a community to raise raise our family well and interesting you mentioned not power tripping to which I suppose is like a quality right like a respect of their thoughts and your thoughts do you know what I mean like that that concept of

[00:17:28] going if they have a feeling if they have an idea or a purpose whatever it is that's pulling their mind that it's valid even if without adult framework it seems trivial or it seems like you know to give them that space to talk is

[00:17:41] that what not power tripping me yeah let let let them make their own kind of decisions and like I said challenging us testing the boundaries even that comes with schools like which want to educate our schools not to really power trip the kids

[00:17:55] let them kind of be kids I know it's very structural within schools you know the school that we go to now it is very structural compared to the kindy that the girls went to in Colton where it's very free spirited and kids will just

[00:18:07] run and I think what would in a few different ways they would like letting kids be the master of their own destiny a little bit but obviously not completely autonomous because that is our job as parents is to try and guide them in the

[00:18:21] direction they were hopefully already going yeah well my wife she's same and my daughter Alice is blonde hair blue eyes white skin look my wife blonde hair blue eyes white skin and I said to Anna you exactly like Apple there's a tree

[00:18:34] and there's Apple so it's not falling that far so you two are twins and you speak your mind she speaks her mind I get it and it's as as you know partners of these women I used to

[00:18:44] before we had our daughter Rudy I said so like I would just you know if I got a little mini you that would be adorable I would love that and then sometimes when our little girl is like extremely determined and like trying to run the

[00:18:57] household it's I was like you asked for it you deal with it you asked for your baby this was the deal you got your wish yeah so yeah it is and I guess that's the way I want our

[00:19:08] kids to be brought up I mean even with sleeping like you know a lot of parents have their ways of getting kids to sleep we we co-sleep with our kids your that's and that's the way that we've been brought up you know different cultures every

[00:19:21] from ways of sleeping especially if your Aboriginal culture they they can co-sleep and sleep with their kids I mean I love go sleeping I know and then there's all the literature whatever sleep hygiene blah blah blah I appreciate all that and I respect it and I agree with

[00:19:37] parts and whatnot but nothing beats that I just love I know all the science and I know it couldn't create bad habits whatever and whatever the people that are worried about it but if my little girl wants to come into

[00:19:48] bed that's the greatest thing in the world because one day she can't she won't and that's a thing like we grew up closely my all our kids co-sleep co-sleep with us I mean like Louis the eldest

[00:19:59] he didn't get out of our bed till five six so he slept he would come down and sleep in our bed Billy the same to five and six their girls to this day they go they sleep like our son he sleeps in the bed with us

[00:20:10] but our twin girls are five every morning at four o'clock I hear footsteps coming down the hallway and I'm like here they come and then I'll just come jump into bed and then wake up at seven so I mean that's a thing I remember my still one of

[00:20:23] my happiest memories of like when my little girl was about two you know she'd be in a cult but she'd come in and I would sleep in the spare room next to their bed because you'd wake up throughout the night and last a

[00:20:34] really light sleepers I was like for that period it's like I'll be the night watchman and but she'd know I was in the spare room and just here and you know it this is the bit where like when you don't have kids it's hard to

[00:20:45] describe how this is a good situation but five o'clock in the morning just hearing those footsteps come in and she'll wear a nappy to bed at sort that age and hop up on the bed and just you know the nappy in the

[00:20:56] hot, hot fucking bag of hot bag of wee across your face and then fall around and use like this is the best thing in the world. Yeah but it is great you know and that's the way that we've been brought up you know

[00:21:10] I slept wherever as a kid growing up you know with my cousins and on in beds we call it foot ends so one would be down this end of a single bed one would be down that end so your foot's in your face basically your

[00:21:22] cousin's foot's in your face so I mean I don't know if it's a good idea to be supportive of it takes a village because because again like it's so not what I had growing up but I do see you know so many

[00:21:32] beautiful aspects of it. Even the phrasing though like it it takes a village like the way that is phrased is it's kind of like this is what it requires like to raise a well-rounded kid and and a happy kid in the community and I don't

[00:21:48] disagree with that and I think like what would happen you know to play the counter perspective like if it didn't if the kid didn't have a village like what would the kid miss out on? I guess I don't know if that connection with family I

[00:22:00] don't know if they have a family with them but my connection and everything that's stored to me was family always family first and you know growing up with because everything evolved around my grandfather's house and so if you I've got an autobiography at the

[00:22:17] moment it's called The Boy from Brimmer and Crescent and so that's Brimmer and Crescent is my grandfather's house it was 12 Brimmer and Crescent when my grandfather lived and there were all of us just staying in that house and we grew up in that house and it was

[00:22:31] just playing every day outside with all your brothers and so as I say all my first cousins older and younger in the back it was like school at home in a sense but in the backyard you're free whatever basketball whatever ball we had we played with I remember

[00:22:49] this old tree at the back of my pop south we cut out the end of the crate now to the tree we had a basketball ring we played basketball and it was a full basketball team you know with with girls boys it was more than a full

[00:23:03] basketball team there was about 20 of us about 15 of us just playing sport in the back of our back of our house so I guess that's probably one of the things that you probably miss out on growing up in a big family is having that connection that close connection

[00:23:18] of that brotherly sisterly kind of first cousins growing up with those it sounds like it provides like even though those days would have seemed at the time just another day that's what provides the foundation like that's that gives you that foundation

[00:23:34] in life yeah and and it stalls like I said that looking after that caring nature for one another that leadership in a sense because you've grown how important it is yeah and and that still that that still happens within community that's how we live in our

[00:23:49] community say kids are Aboriginal kids are growing up in those environments so they they have those doors installed in them and my my job now is to help these kids find their voice at a young age beautiful and so your kids you're now in you're in Melbourne

[00:24:08] like not I assume not you don't have 25 kids around the house like too much like how do you create that environment how do you mix that now for your kids I had you is there things you're doing to create that still that feeling for

[00:24:21] your kids yeah that's a good question because it was hard when I first moved over to Melbourne when I was younger I kind of lost that sense of community because they didn't have that many people around me but but you know since

[00:24:33] playing in the AFL I had a thing called mob night and when young Aboriginal kids get drafted to AFL it's in a I guess it's a it's too well that they have to live coming from the way that they lived at home and a

[00:24:46] lot of Aboriginal kids get homesick and they leave and they pack up early so what me and my partner did we made sure that we didn't want kids to feel that way so we opened up our house to these kids that make make them feel like

[00:24:58] they better safe place where they can come and just be themselves and it's like an environment like that what they've grown up and so when our kids started coming along you know when I was in Adelaide I've had you know Tyson Stingle I've had

[00:25:12] these boys and their partners come around for dinner mob night and it just felt like the sense of growing up with this community sense and that did a lot for like a lot of people say Ed you did a lot for those boys but they did

[00:25:26] a lot they did more so for me than what I've done for them when they came into our house and had that feeling of community back being that older brothers for my kids like now like at the moment Tyson Stingle's at home like he plays that too long

[00:25:40] and slept he's got a room at home he's like my kids older brothers so he's there he looks after our kids baby sits there, change our kids nappies that's the sense of how he's grown up as well around his big family and he's like that older brother

[00:25:54] we have kids rock up like the Davey boys Alwyn and Jaden who got drafted to Essidon they'll go into Xavier they rock up at home because all their families in Darwin so they rock up at home they've got a room there deep in the room and

[00:26:10] you know they're like again that community sense of those boys coming in big family like two weeks, three weeks ago we had 21 people in our household because I did a basketball tournament I got kids down from Darwin and I bought them and put them into a

[00:26:26] tournament they never had the opportunity to do that and I lost staying at my house and 21 kids I'll go upstairs and I'll show you the video in a minute I'm just laying everywhere mattresses there's kids stuck in the crack in the beds

[00:26:42] and it was just like that community feel it's boomerang crescent again literally it's come back around everyone looked after everyone it was just so good my kids felt like that community, that sense again and that's how we keep connected here in Victoria in a city life

[00:27:02] I think there's a guy listening that didn't grow up in that world but I probably am speaking for a lot of people listening to this that didn't grow up in that type of community you know there's like a such a pull to that idea

[00:27:14] or that feeling of going I didn't grow up in a big family, I didn't grow up in a big community but man it would have been the security that you would feel from that just the comfort and that's when I speak about the kids

[00:27:26] my kids they feel safe no matter where they go they feel that sense of security and I know like dropping kids off at school and kind of it is hard for some parents because I go now and I watch the other kids

[00:27:38] cry and scream and I don't know if it's that attachment piece of it where my kids feel comforted, they feel attached and they feel safe where when I drop them out for school they don't scream, they don't cry they don't, I know that's not me not judging

[00:27:50] anyone else's parents but I feel like they have that sense of security that safeness where they can that attachment issue they know that we're always going to be there that home's going to be there safe harbour, like the critical that feeling of building day by day

[00:28:04] you know by thousands of different actions that sense of security that sense of safety and foundation so obviously what you had that's the powerful feeling that you're trying to recreate these kids, yes and love everything that they do there's always such a focus on like doing

[00:28:20] like you know let's say we've got to do this we've got to like if it's school holidays right we've got to the movies and we've got activities like it's purpose driven talking about getting kids back for basketball or growing up you know your grandfather's house

[00:28:32] so much of a value was placed on just being just being a kid and being a kid and you learn along the way you make mistakes, you hurt yourself and that's a big thing with a big thing with Aboriginal families is that the kid like they'll hurt himself

[00:28:48] oh well you'll learn you won't do it again, you touch a stove well you're not going to touch that again are you but the thing is like growing up like that, like I learnt along the way you make mistakes, you hurt yourself but I didn't do it again

[00:29:02] I didn't do it again but for some reason like a lot of people know me now as safety dad like what does that mean well I don't want my kids to get hurt and I kind of like the way that I've grown up

[00:29:16] and the way that I was parented just to be free I don't you struggle to recreate it? I just the feeling of my kid getting hurt I don't want that feeling and you know like when I walk into a house in my corner table

[00:29:30] okay my kid if they walking and they don't have this table height their head they might be at a that's swallowing how do you wrestle with that? that sounds like quite a dance well a lot of people now invite like when we get invited to parties

[00:29:46] like kids parties, a lot of parents just sit and drink because they know that I'm there assessing everything I'm looking after the kids he's over here looking after the kids they won't run on the road it is there well that's interesting

[00:29:58] so you know you know you obviously know like the power of free form exploring and mistakes and like you know failures are all part of that free form exploring and injuries and discomfort come with that so you know the power of that intellectually

[00:30:12] but your heart can't let it work yeah and like I know the power of it but I guess I come in and assess everything and then I'm kind of like okay the worst that could happen if they break their leg falling off that

[00:30:24] so you know I assess the dangers and then I just kind of gradually as the minutes and hours to go well I'll just let it go because that fear of our kids being hurt it's such an interesting dance because we know we want them to experience difficulties

[00:30:42] some difficulties we know we want them to make mistakes we know we want them to be deflated for a moment with a setback because it's only the feeling of bouncing back that like helps you grow and makes you gives them that self confidence and mastery but it's

[00:30:58] tough it is tough you know especially when the cost is a broken leg and a lot of people like now especially on my wife's social media they live for safety dad because every time we go out I'm assessing my wife secretly filming me going

[00:31:14] look at safety dad over there like on a sliding scale like four or five incidents we can go to emergency for one day that we might cop that growing up but not like anything above that you're not doing it you can scoot fast and if you fall

[00:31:28] over you're gonna hurt your knee and that then you'll just learn how to scoot better but if you keep diving into the pool without putting your hands above your head and that becomes your practice don't do that that's a thing I like these are one strike mistakes

[00:31:42] you can't you can't do that anymore so I mean I've battled with that fear all the time as much and I hate that it's in me because I wish I was a bit more chill about it but the thing and the thing that

[00:31:52] really gets me is that my kids know that that gets me and so they know that that's terrible so that would so now they're incentivized for comedy they will go stand on the edge but look at me and wait for my reaction no no no and I'm like

[00:32:08] why no no and especially the little ones like the old ones now they learn they go off and do their own things and I mean you obviously with kids ranging from 2 to 10 you're teaching them and have taught them already you're a decade in

[00:32:24] so a lot of lessons have been taught a lot of lessons have been learned is there something though that you're excited about as they enter this next phase of their life to teach your kids well it'll be just to be independent really because at the moment

[00:32:40] it's like I'm having breakfast I'll leave my bowl there it's like Casper's gonna pick up a bowl and put the bowl in the sink we got basketball training let's go to basketball I'm not gonna pick up your basketball shoes you're the basketball player

[00:32:54] shoes are at home halfway in the car why don't you have your shoes on like it's not even specialist gear you can wear them to the ground so then yeah we go come home go back go to basketball training where's your shoes back at the basketball stadium

[00:33:12] so this is the things that I am dealing with and it's fucking crazy how that'll be like I'm telling you if his head wasn't screwed on he would leave his head at home and go to school I'm sure there's a lot of parents listening to this going

[00:33:24] yes yes yes I feel this battle but there's also that knowledge where you're like this will be many years of this same lesson how does that make you feel well I'm hoping that it changes I'm hoping that they pick it up pretty soon

[00:33:38] but yeah like you're saying it's gonna well it is gonna be many because I've got five kids coming through and so it's gonna be it's gonna be for the next 20 years I think so it is gonna be tough but it's that grind it's like the grind now

[00:33:56] it's the grind of the night before preparing five lunchboxes I got no time now in the morning to get up and prepare lunchboxes I make lunch everything's the night before in order lunch boxes and cause one of our kids is gluten free he's Celiac

[00:34:12] then another process of making this lunchbox gluten free and getting everything ready putting out all their uniforms on the table in the night before so it's like what's harder an AFL preseason or doing this well I'm like a stay at home dad now so I'd rather go preseason

[00:34:32] but the thing is I enjoy it now I get to spend a lot more time when I was playing AFL footy I couldn't do kid drop off cause we would train at nine in the morning we'd be away so on sad days we'd have to fly away

[00:34:46] to play sports so I couldn't do sports and footy and basketball so now I'm really enjoying dropping the kids off Do you think being away for footy and probably especially covid when a lot of teams had to bubble you're from Victoria so Queensland

[00:35:04] or WA or wherever people had to be do you think that time away and I know a lot of parents, mums and dads experience a necessity having to take your medicine for a little bit to be away do you think that distance helps you then later on

[00:35:18] to be like okay that was rough being away and now it helps you be more present and grateful even if it isn't the intensity of school drop off Yeah and it was rough being away from my family and even that bubble

[00:35:30] we were away, I was away from my family for 16 weeks That was probably one of the hardest times of my AFL kind of career being away because the way that I've been brought up and a lot of parents are different cause a lot of parents want

[00:35:44] time away for themselves a lot of parents, a lot of dads might go play golf just to get away where I get bored, I want to be with my kids I want to be with my family I don't not want to be away

[00:35:56] because they said I'll come in a bit early because that way you can get away from the family, your kids you don't have to stress from where I'm like no I don't want that, I want to be with my kids That feels like batteries

[00:36:08] That's my joy, that's my happiness I would rather be there than here to be completely honest that was later on in my career I'd rather be with my family than here because this is my life So those 16 weeks that would be brutal

[00:36:22] It was really tough going to the old's because I wake up there's hectic, there's noise it was so quiet, I just didn't know what to do with myself I would get up early, go for a walk, get a coffee think about my kids, miss my kids

[00:36:36] it was a really tough time and because I was a lot older too this is when I came back to Carlton all the kids were closer to my oldest son's age than they were to me and that made me feel really old

[00:36:48] so I was hanging out with the coaches cause all the boys were being their play station and they were boarding up with each other It's so funny, you're like this is not me anymore What do you do when I want to hang out with people, sales, hang out

[00:37:02] with most of the coaches and just did my own thing to be honest Do you still carry that pain for those 16 weeks like that wrenching does it still sit with you now I still remember the joy of when they first rocked up

[00:37:14] when all the families rocked up off the bus I remember the cuddle that I got from my first son was different to any other cuddle I remember the pain from him before just the tightness of the cuddle, the squeeze and the feel of it where he just

[00:37:28] didn't want to let go stuck with me to this day and that was my second child Billy when he ran out and he just jumped into my arms cause four weeks before that my wife she came over with the kids and she tried the quarantine

[00:37:44] how could they had a quarantine you had to do two weeks, she lasted a week and cause she was pregnant with Sunny and had the other four in the hub by herself it was really tough so she didn't last

[00:37:56] so she got back on her plane and went back to Melbourne and said it was only one more week to wait then we can reconnect but it was just too hard on her so she went back to Melbourne and for another four to five weeks

[00:38:08] which was really tough and then she came back up with help two weeks again and so that time there where I knew that she was in that hub and you were close and then she went back home and all the families rocked up

[00:38:20] and I stood there and watched all the families rocked up and reconnect and it broke me, I just went into the toilet and I just couldn't hold back my tears and I just for like five minutes and then I went back into my room I think

[00:38:32] I ran into Anna Tieg David Tieg's wife and David was the coach and she just came up that time as well and Anna and Hannah are best mates, they're really close and I just broke down to her I just broke down and just cried

[00:38:50] and I went to my room I sat down and I just cried and regathered my thoughts and then got back up and it was tough but then the next four weeks five weeks later when they finally made it through

[00:39:02] and like I said that first cuddle that I got from Billy was different to any other cuddle that I've had from him just the tightness, the grip, the feel that didn't want to let go it was a really good moment

[00:39:14] I reckon a lot of dads, hopefully a lot of dads know that cuddle, that feeling of the absence and how old was he when he did that? He was five it was four, it was five girls were only two or three I think

[00:39:28] and when they came off the bus so Louis came second and ran up and gave me a big cuddle as well and then the girls ran up and I sat on the floor and Maggie came first and she just ran and

[00:39:38] cuddled and then Alice the blonde had to run before she got to me she like kind of dived into your arms and it was like that sense of she just wanted to be with her dad and she just jumped, dived and yeah it was a special moment

[00:39:52] for me being a dad being reconnected with my kids obviously you have these days now you have technology you would FaceTime and you can see your kids you could talk to your kids about that physical presence of of being there I felt like you know

[00:40:08] that cuddle meant a lot what I love about it again is it's like so much of the equation is just be together and after that we'll take care of anything else but we just have to be together in step one not to do anything just to be together

[00:40:22] I guess that's the sense of that community feeling growing up, sticking together helping each other out and it takes like I said a village, I mean my wife we're equal in our relationship and the way that we look after our kids and if anyone knows

[00:40:36] she's very down to earth straight and we have conversations at a young age about sex, gender, all of it about vaginasas and penises the whole life from a young age so the kids understand it they can ask questions about it

[00:40:48] they can learn about it at a young age and my kids like they've grown up they've had a great life you know and it's not their fault that they've grown up in a sense of the environment that I was in where it's different to any other environment where

[00:41:02] especially Louis and Billy at age where they grew up in an AFL life you know you come into training on that I mean obviously they grew up in a football environment and they saw you play and I get the sense that I think for kids

[00:41:16] you're still dad but you know they're aware that you're playing like that's there is that, there would be you know that differentiation and I'm sure you put in them to be like well this is what I do for a job but you know I'm dad

[00:41:26] but on sat days and sundays and friday nights like I do this thing and that's the world that's my job, that's the world we live in and as they grow up and they might you know look back on your career and they'll learn more and more about you

[00:41:36] with a growing mind, a teenage mind and adult mind to sort of see the way their dad played and what their dad did professionally. What lesson would you like them to take away from your career? Well well I like it and when I do

[00:41:50] talks and I do tell them is that the way that I live my life and the way that you know I want to store these values in use to always be kind always treat everyone the way that you like

[00:42:00] to be treated and I know there's a lot of bullying that happens within schools and workplaces you know and they've grown up around an environment where I face a lot of issues when it comes to racism like they've been in our household, they've seen the pain

[00:42:14] they've seen what their mum and dad go through and the pain that I've gone the way that I educate people so they've been through that then they've been through the way of the way that I treat people with kindness, with respect we're treating everyone how I would like

[00:42:26] to be treated you know they've got those values installed of them and you know watching Louis grow now he shows those values is very kind, hearted you know boy I always like to look after other people

[00:42:38] if someone's hurt just make sure you go over and see if they're okay making someone out smile Billy he's a second child I can tell you know you can tell I've got the hesitation everyone it's a second child you know what second child's like but

[00:42:52] he is still very kind, he is still very loving, he had those values installed him, installed him but he is going to test the waters he is going to test me as a parent he is going to push boundaries

[00:43:06] and that's good if he does like I want him to push the boundaries I want him to test it but long as you still stay humble long as you still have those values of kindness and respect in you I'm happy to for

[00:43:18] it sounds like that you much much prefer them be kind, respectful caring teammates than necessarily be able to sneak amazing goals from the pocket yeah well the thing is for us to be honest I don't really want him to play footy

[00:43:32] I want him to choose their own life like even at schools it's interesting to watch them grow and it's beautiful it's such a beautiful thing to see how how they grow and how they learn and how they make mistakes

[00:43:44] and the one thing that I don't do at home is homework though you don't do homework? mate I tell you one thing that the school now he goes to he brought homework back year 5 and it was math and I was reading I was like what the hell

[00:43:58] is this? I was on google to how the hell I mean give me six times tables any day of the week you're going to be a smart kid Louis if you're doing this like you're going to be way smarter than dad boss

[00:44:12] only he probably already is because I didn't and I already tell him because that's what he has over me because I tell him I didn't go school so I didn't have the privilege of learning and that's not me because I dropped out I just dropped out at year 9

[00:44:24] I didn't have the education I couldn't read or write when I was 18 and I do tell this in my story when I do talks like in I ask for literature and university classes to help me read write and understand these big words and so and Louis

[00:44:38] knows that and every time and I said Louis go to school I said I'm golder school but I know more than you dad you couldn't read or write when you were 18 well I don't have to hold that against me like that's you know I'm still learning

[00:44:48] I'm going to Louis what a great example to give the kids though to talk about that so openly what a great example to go it's okay it's okay to to go I'm not there's here's an area I'd like to improve in and rather

[00:45:00] than pretend that I've got it I'll ask for help and I'll choose to improve and that's the thing I always tell kids now especially Louis like there's always someone there to help you in class and that's something that I didn't do because I didn't understand it

[00:45:14] and to be honest there was no other Aboriginal kids in my class but that's why I didn't go and because I grew up in a big family and I didn't go to school and so now it's our Louis when you go to school

[00:45:24] make sure you ask questions if you don't know ask questions there's always someone there to help you you're there to learn you're there to do the best in your ability to get the best education that you could possibly get but always

[00:45:36] ask for help because I didn't and that's now my job like I played AFL footy you know my wife always said you played AFL footy and you've done that but your job now is only beginning and that's for your kids and for your people

[00:45:52] because you have a voice and they want to hear your voice and you can try to make change although that's what I'm trying to do I'm trying to make change here in Australia and so I do go around to younger kids around communities

[00:46:06] and I say make sure that you go to school make sure you get your education because the attendance rates with Aboriginal kids here in Australia are really low but they see sport as in out they see Eddie because my stories open to the community

[00:46:20] they know my story they know that I couldn't read couldn't write I didn't go to school so they say oh Eddie he couldn't read he couldn't write when he played AFL footy I'm good at AFL footy I don't need to go to school

[00:46:30] and that's not quite the lesson you're that's not the lesson so I tell these kids I said listen I was lucky if I didn't get AFL footy I had nothing no education couldn't read or write it kind of like saved me in a sense that I

[00:46:42] was good at it but my message to you guys is to go to school get the education because if you don't make AFL footy if you don't make your dreams you've got your education or fall back on you can go to university

[00:46:52] you can become anything you put your mind to anything that you want to chase you chase it but you go to school and you graduate first so that's what I want Louis to understand is you go to school you graduate I don't want you to play AFL footy

[00:47:06] I don't want you to do any of that but education is the key go to school because to me the willingness to speak up and go I'm going to fix this it speaks to you I think as a man you're able to mount a challenge

[00:47:20] to go here's something I'm going to overcome yeah and I guess the other lessons that I want Louis to or all my kids to do when they are at school or when they are an activity when someone's doing something encourage the person that's doing it

[00:47:34] encourage your peers, your classmates when they're up the front when they're reading a book encourage them never ever put them down because my life experience when I was playing footy and I told Louis my life experience playing footy at Carlton I would sit at the back of

[00:47:48] the theater at we'll watch a we'll watch Vision I would answer the question or speak up and my mates around me my close mates would take the piss out of me and always put each other down we'll always put each other down so

[00:48:00] we never grew we never grew any confidence I went to Adelaide I wasn't with my same mates I'm still pretty close with my mates but I wasn't with them fresh start I started speaking up and instead of the negative feedback came away

[00:48:12] the positive feedback came away and from that little bit of positivity that little bit of encouragement I grew I grew and grew and found confidence in the speaking up found my voice became a leader and that little bit of encouragement positivity helped me

[00:48:28] grew in a big way it's a huge thing because giving each other shit is a huge part of male culture we always do it we always do it and so I've always want Louis to just encourage him no matter what encourage tell him they're doing a great job

[00:48:40] because it'll go a long long long way I mean I think it's a tiny thing but such a critical lesson such a critical thing like just hearing them like yes that one amazing example too because you know you felt it you lived it and

[00:48:56] the evidence was there of who you evolved into as a man but we all know every single block listening to this would be like that's what I do with my friends we give each other shit and then if someone

[00:49:08] paused the situation and said but how do you really feel about this guy they would say I love him mm-hmm and then you go well why are you giving so much shit because it's easy it's what everyone does it's like that's the that's the mask right like that's

[00:49:20] the shield and and I don't think we recognize the damage that does in the moment everyone's laughing but they're not happy you know in that moment and you can do it to an extent where you're having fun and you're joking around with each other and you're taking

[00:49:34] the Mickey out of each other but you know when it does really affect you in certain ways when it when it's stuff when you're speaking up about stuff or you try to it's something that means something to you I suppose it's a difference yeah it is

[00:49:46] and I've witnessed this within you know communities as well like I'd I wrote two children's book and I went to a community and I got this couple of young kids to get up and read and it's a little girl

[00:49:56] got up and she read but she mocked up one of the words because she couldn't read properly and I was helping it and everyone laughed she put her head down like that so I stopped every writing

[00:50:04] I said hang on a minute what are you guys doing we need to encourage you tell her keep going you're doing a good job like it's I know it sounds simple but it's I think it's such a beautiful lesson like that's such a critical lesson and going back

[00:50:14] to close the circle a little bit on the homework we are you know especially dads of and parents of young kids now like we're entering an age where the there is that concept like that schools seem more full on they seem high like people

[00:50:26] kids get homework earlier and like that's a common riff that you hear and and even just hearing you talk now I'm like I think this highlights beautifully the role of school and the role of a parent it's like mate you want to let the reason you're going

[00:50:40] to school is to learn long division that's I'm not here to teach you long division but what you are instilling is the values of how to tackle a problem do you know what I mean I think that's our role that's our homework role as parents is

[00:50:52] to go the persistence the kindness the caring encouraging your classmates all that stuff I think that's our that's the homework for us as parents yeah I like the idea of helping our kids with the mindset for homework like I can help you with your mindset

[00:51:08] I don't know any of the technical stuff and I don't need to because that's what you're learning eight hours a day but I but what you know what I love about what you're saying is you're there for the mindset stuff and that's the harder

[00:51:20] that's the that's the long that's the long term jeopardy that's the stuff that they're going to not just through school but through life that's it going forward you know quite clearly like what's really what I'm hearing when I'm seeing what I love about you it is like you're

[00:51:32] a master of creating an environment for a community for connections like I reckon that's the through line with all the things that you've talked about is the power of you know being that hub whether it's getting kids down or it's growing up at

[00:51:46] your grandfather's house or whether it's what they do at their grandfather's house when they come to Melbourne it's obviously such a powerful thing for you and it's what you do with the nucleus of your little family to to create that community

[00:51:58] create the hub and then just let them be within that safe environment I think that's such a beautiful lesson and you know I am excited I think you do have voice you have an amazing voice and I'm really excited to

[00:52:12] see what you do next mate and thank you thanks so much for coming on Hey mish is glad that he talked to another dad now he's gonna say some other stuff but he will be by himself thank you so much for listening I had

[00:52:28] another one of those episodes where I was like scribbling down notes furiously there I mean we talk about it during the conversation but I really do feel such an admiration and like a pull towards that large communal style of living because I just think

[00:52:44] it's like I said it's not something that I had or have or I'm really creating that much for my kids growing up but the benefits are clear and it's just a good reminder I think of just the pure the pure modelling like just creating an environment not rushing

[00:52:58] it not structuring it and just letting kids be kids and absorb what they are programmed to do and learn from the kids around I think that's such a beautiful thing I also really love what Eddie said about Aboriginal leadership and you know I think

[00:53:12] about being a dad in the family as a leader as a co-leader but you know there are times when you want to lead the family and I love that idea of it's felt not heard for any kind of leadership especially for parenting and fathering I think

[00:53:26] if you are being the kind of dad where your presence and your guidance is felt rather than heard like in an example setting in an instructional sense I think that's sometimes the stickiest stuff because I don't know about you but my kids don't listen and

[00:53:44] kids don't and I didn't listen to my parents when I was growing up but I certainly remember what I felt and that's something I'm taking away from that that was awesome thank you so much Eddie thank you for listening thanks to everyone

[00:53:54] that gets in touch with the show or mentions it when they see me in the street I know that's a tougher way to get in touch but for everyone's feedback and everyone's stories about the show they're really awesome really touching so thank you so much for

[00:54:08] listening to the word and we'll see you next time thanks again for listening