How Sam Wood Dads

[00:00:00] Hamish is a dad who loves to be a dad but he knows there's more to learn about being a dad So he made this show where he talks to all the dads so he can find out How Other Dads Dads, How Other Dads Dads

[00:00:19] Alrighty, today's guest Sam Wood. People... I'll put my hand up in myself in this category. People may know Sam from The Bachelor My wife and I used to be very into The Bachelor

[00:00:31] But that was a long time ago and as you'll hear it's an amusing anecdote in now what is an incredible journey he's had with his wife, Snaz Over the last eight or so years and the creation of a beautiful family

[00:00:43] I've always looked at Sam as a really impressive guy It would be very familiar with 28 by Sam Wood, his fitness business and the community he's built there But if you're familiar with that and maybe you're not and maybe you're just about to hear Sam for the first time

[00:00:57] He has an infectious energy and he has an infectious drive for life And from the bits and pieces I'd seen publicly and privately of him as a dad I felt that coming through and we touch on a bit of this too

[00:01:12] Our family, like a lot of families too, had a bit of a virtual bond with Sam We would do his... he was running like a COVID family workouts we could all do together That was a big part of our life during lockdown

[00:01:26] But what I love about Sam is he brings that energy to all his pursuits and none more so than him As you're about to see putting a lot of work into being the best dad he can be And being the best partner he can be

[00:01:38] We touch on a lot of stuff in this chat It's this blended families There's a lot of really honest stuff That Sam really generously goes into about his hopes and fears and dealing with the kids he has Who are all at really different stages in their lives

[00:01:55] So I love this chat, I got a pretty good feeling you will too So please enjoy how Sam would dads Sam would welcome Thank you for having me mate It's a real honour because I do look at you as someone that...

[00:02:17] We've known each other for a while but not super deeply But I do look at you as someone that is a great dad Likewise and I mean that, infamous birthday cake Making is something that gives SNES and I hours of entertainment

[00:02:33] We sort of forget when it rolls around and then jumps up on Eric's screen I actually forget when it rolls around too I go, oh my god, I can't believe it Your birthday is on a different day this year I can't believe it's a surprise Being another year

[00:02:44] If anything I mean I know as dads we feel this innately where it's like Oh my god how is it your birthday again I have two layers of that I'm like A, it's breaking my heart you're getting old so fast

[00:02:55] And B, I can't believe I've got to do another cake That's right Couple of it's cake not again I haven't recovered yet For those perhaps not as familiar can you give us your dad stats How many, how old? So I have four girls Evie is 17 Willow is five

[00:03:13] Charlie is three And Harper is nearly 10 months Wow So the full spectrum mate So when SNES and I got together And for those that don't know We met on The Bachelor You did And can I just say

[00:03:27] And I, I probably speak for a lot of people here too Where I go It's got to be one of the most, the hardest places to meet Some of the most artificial environments And yet what I know of you both sort of publicly and privately

[00:03:39] Somehow in the most artificial of environments The most genuine of relationships is formed Which I think is awesome Yeah I mean we laugh about it So I mean I know we're not here to talk about our Bachelor of Relationship But a week wouldn't go past

[00:03:55] That I don't think we don't have a little Sneak into ourselves about just how ridiculous The impolability of it Yeah exactly And now how just chaotic our life Is with food sliding down the wall And four kids and like literally feels like yesterday That I was a Bachelor

[00:04:12] Always thought I would have been a dad by sort of the age of 35 But wasn't and now seven years later I've got four beautiful girls And I love every bit of it So good Now let's start with girls Let's start with the fact that you are

[00:04:26] You know there's the term girl dad Which I don't know how I mean how do you feel about that term See I don't think of it like it's funny I don't know people are like How is it with girls or

[00:04:40] Are you being punished for something like this stupid life Yeah this idea that as a guy You would have wanted a boy Yeah or there's something really challenging About having, protecting your girls And I do feel protective as a dad But they're just my kids

[00:04:59] You know I never once really thought about I want a boy or a girl And as each of them were born I never once sort of thought about it Like I don't know The kids I feel have such unique personalities That you can actually see coming through

[00:05:19] Which really surprised me at such a young age You know three to six months old I think you can start to see these little personality traits That come through You know that's interesting You're really confident or aggressive A bit of a firecracker Watching Charlie just like that

[00:05:38] Nothing strange I mean you go back and you look at old videos of your kids Even now I've got a five year old I was watching videos last night Of my little girl when she was two I'm like oh my god It was there all along

[00:05:48] And so obviously like you know Both as us as fathers of a girl And many girls But the connection is obviously undoubted And what have they taught you about women Do they teach you more Does having a lot of girls in the house Teach you more about women

[00:06:05] Oh look I think having kids in general Changed the way I think about life In a broader sense You know it's a cliche I know But what's truly important And I kind of thought I knew what was important And then kids puts everything else down the spectrum

[00:06:23] And then things in a different order In a different perspective Because they are absolutely the most important thing And then with girls I don't know I always thought I was relatively Aware I think of you know Inequalities and certain things And always tried to be sensitive towards that

[00:06:47] And you know I've got lots of female friends And I've always in the fitness industry Most people I've trained have been female And I've had this really good connection with females You know went to a co-ed school All that kind of stuff But then having four daughters

[00:07:01] Yeah I do think it's sort of You just care more You know I went from an awareness To now I really care about this Because it's going to impact the lives of my daughters The world that they grow up in Yeah the world that they grow up in

[00:07:16] And you know a lot of these philosophies I don't think would have changed if I had boys You know I still would have wanted them to be themselves And chase their dreams And not worry about what sort of stereotypes

[00:07:29] Tell them I'm sort of very big on that kind of stuff Absolutely you know And do you feel You know well I prefaced this by saying I feel this for both my son and my daughter But in different ways Yeah A responsibility but almost an honour

[00:07:42] Like I take it as a happy responsibility To go here's a chance to model What a man can be Or it should be Because you know you have that responsibility Of going this is what a man and a relationship looks like So when they grow up

[00:07:57] They've got the right Hopefully the right radar Do you feel that? Yeah absolutely I do I mean I'm a bit old fashioned You know I grew up Mum didn't really work Dad went off to work And so I think just from being That being my own upbringing

[00:08:17] That was kind of how I thought I definitely didn't think that's how it was when I was 35 But it's how I thought it was when I was 12 But now I'm really Being not just understanding myself That that's not how it is But making sure that they don't understand

[00:08:34] As kids that's not how it is You know and they're only very little I'm not lecturing them on You do have a big spread don't you? Yeah but with Evie We've got 17 17 I mean she's She's wonderfully clever and creative But she's got ADHD She doesn't really like maths

[00:08:54] And English in these subjects She wants to study fashion design And she'll be brilliant at it But you know I like the fact That I can sort of draw my own experience I guess with her And I think it's helped bring us closer together Because I always thought

[00:09:11] My friends all had it worked out at 17, 18 They all knew exactly what they wanted to do And I was the one black sheep who didn't And now things have worked themselves out for me It took a long time but we got there eventually

[00:09:22] And I can sort of share that experience with her And say look it's a different world to what it was Five years ago, a little over 20 years ago And in five years time it'll be different again You can do absolutely anything you want You just have to not

[00:09:35] Her biggest challenge is probably the same As many 17 year old girls or kids She's so concerned about what other kids think And it paralyzes her How do you help her with that? It's funny, it's starting to shift I always used to try and solve the problem for her

[00:09:53] But you know, either because I was I could see it was causing her pain Or something like that You know like I need to fix this pain I need to fix this pain as quickly as I can Like that's how I can be the most helpful

[00:10:05] In this situation And it just didn't really help her You know, and so now it's It's a much slower process A much more patient process I spend a lot more time listening than talking And it's interesting Once I spend a long time listening to her

[00:10:24] A couple of hours Her just getting it all off her chest sometimes We listen as usually but sometimes just us Then I can give little bits of advice Or even just steer her to see What I think she's really close to seeing anyway

[00:10:41] But you know, there's a tree in the way Just move the tree out of the way And she sort of gets there And just one layer at a time Because she thinks Oh my god, look at the size of this problem Anyway, I never say that

[00:10:53] I used to be No, I mean, sorry Dundra But I think what you're saying is really beautiful And really profound because it's This is what sort of comes up A little bit in these discussions That we have on this podcast Especially with older kids Teenagers, young adults

[00:11:09] I mean it holds for all kids This idea of, you know, age just listening And I think maybe as guys as dads We're always trying to solve That we think practically But also that being The battle we face I face it to my kids where you go

[00:11:23] You reflex when you hear the problem Is to be like, oh this is an easy one Because it doesn't matter to me As a 41 year old Because it doesn't worry about that But in that moment You're forgetting that it really matters That's not, the point isn't

[00:11:37] That it doesn't matter to us The point is that it matters to them And that's, you know It sounds like that's the space you have learnt Or you want to sit in more Yeah and I'm getting, I'm a work in progress I don't know

[00:11:49] It's really challenging through COVID I was just this simple minded Pragmatic Niaanda thought That wasn't terribly helpful to her Like, no, no don't worry This is the answer and I'd, you know You're focusing on stuff That you don't have control over You can, you know

[00:12:08] Let's focus on things you control I was like, I don't need a fucking life coach You know, go away dickhead You know like Sound bites weren't working No and I just, I was pushing her further away And you know we butted heads a lot During that time

[00:12:20] And you know we have a bit of a challenge too So there's an eye about having different parenting views And she was a single mum with Evie For the first nine years of her life Before I came into her life And they, you know

[00:12:31] They were and are inseparable Which I love Their relationship's incredibly, you know Close and beautiful But I always still thought You're not my stepdaughter, you're my daughter Absolutely And I'm doing you a disservice By treating you any differently To how I would treat any of my children

[00:12:51] And my dad was kind of School of hard knocks Very tough on me And at the time I thought I was very hard done by But probably from the age of 20 There's barely a day that goes by They're not grateful for how he raised me

[00:13:03] And how I think it's helped me Be more resilient and sort of work stuff out And so I'm kind of big on that with Evie I'm like, and Snez isn't Snez is raptor in cotton wool And I'm like, no, no She needs boundaries

[00:13:15] And she needs to build resilience And she needs to sort things out for herself So it sounds like that would be Yeah, that there's a generational translation A bit there from going My dad did this to me in hindsight You appreciate it Yeah

[00:13:29] But at the time, did it feel hard? 100% I thought dad was a total asshole At the time Like, oh, so-and-so gets this Similar probably to Evie Yes, with me And that's not lost on me I do have that thought often I had a fairly unique upbringing

[00:13:45] Because my dad was always at work We didn't have a terribly good relationship Loved him But he was a tough old bugger Who wasn't home that much And when he was, he was tired and grumpy And mum was our everything

[00:13:58] And then when I was 15, my mum died of cancer So I had a-my sister was 12 at the time And my brother was nine And dad went from not really knowing us To having to take care of us on his own While obviously grieving the loss of his wife

[00:14:17] At the same time Not the I ever really gave that much thought And you wouldn't even notice That he was doing that He was so selfless And he did a remarkable job And now we have a wonderful relationship But I speak to him a lot about, you know

[00:14:32] Those first 15 years You know, it's almost his unspoken love That we have for each other For what he did beyond that But in the first 15 years I speak to him a lot Because he now sees how I, dad And how much time I spend with my girls

[00:14:45] What does he think about that? I loves it And he regrets that he didn't do the same You know, I saw my dad Maybe for two weeks over summer In a concentrated block that he took off And we rented a shack somewhere down in Hobart

[00:14:56] At the same time every year And barely saw him after that You know, like He was in the garden Pottering around maybe on Sundays And he'd give me a chore or two But it wasn't great bonding You know He wasn't at all my sports events

[00:15:09] He just was always at work And is that something that you then carried to go Okay, I'm gonna do that differently I mean, 100% I knew even before My little ones were born That that was what I wanted to do Now then obviously putting into practice

[00:15:22] Is a bit different And we had a tiny chat before We sort of got the mics out today About how you never sort of satisfied Like, I'm doing I'm working hard to support my family But then when I do that

[00:15:34] I feel good that I'm not with my family And then the flip side And we talk about You know, on this podcast A lot about, you know Quantity of time matters And being there with the kids But we know that it's just not realistic

[00:15:45] Like, no one can do it If you were at home the whole time The other thing that they miss out on Is seeing a parent A mum or a dad Who is a three-dimensional person Who's fully Who's out in the world doing things And that's also the example

[00:15:59] That we want to set for our kids So it's always going to be that dance Isn't it? I feel that Yeah, no 100% it is And I feel I feel like I get the balance Not perfect, but pretty good And I never take for granted

[00:16:12] How lucky I am, I guess With my flexibility of my work How much time I get to spend with my kids And I know it's sort of different generation Leading to when my dad was at work But still plenty of guys Going out there and getting up

[00:16:24] Before their kids leave Even wake up or go to school And not being home until they're in bed And that would break my heart That would be really hard And I know it breaks Those guys are too Like, that's a hard thing To battle with

[00:16:37] What brought you and your dad Closer together after You know, in those adult years? Um I would, you know From probably We worked together So when I finished school He had a restaurant And I worked for him And that was kind of this like

[00:16:54] You're going to take over the restaurant Son, you know I had to have that really hard moment With him when I was talking about this Yeah, maybe dad, I'm actually quite Interesting fitness in the night Got a reality show Oh, you're dreaming You'll be back in two years

[00:17:04] I don't ever go anywhere You're two But uh, yeah we did We had that sort of hard chat And I'm like And I need to sort of explore That over on the mainland We're very similar And you know, we And kind of entrepreneurial And we talk about

[00:17:18] I've come to him with my work problems a lot But we've become even close I think it was two things I think there was a real moment Probably for the When I finally wasn't broke Yeah Because I was My dad on my 18th birthday He said to me

[00:17:34] He sort of shook my hand And looked at me With this sort of steely look And said Happy birthday, mate You'll never get another scent off me Don't ask That was how he said happy birthday to me, mate Happy birthday Like you know, he carries on

[00:17:47] Like a book job He used to walk to school Five miles with no shoes on In the snow He's ultimate hard knocks Ultimate hard knocks And that's how he was And he wasn't It wasn't a token line I remember I What did I do?

[00:17:58] I think I crashed my car Couldn't pay for my uni Was eating cans of baked beans That my mate had bought for me I was so broke when I was about 19 I first moved to Melbourne I rang him up And I asked him for $1,000

[00:18:10] And promised him I'd pay him back in Two weeks When my Centreling payment came through And he just said No one hang up on me You'll sort it out I was like You prick And I used to really I used to resent him for it And then

[00:18:25] I don't know It's funny like He was always just Everything was a lesson You know, and I I like to teach my kids lessons I'm kind of big on There's learning opportunities everywhere But I'm not everything is a lesson How would you handle that differently

[00:18:39] If one of your kids rang you And they were 19 They were broke And I went to $100,000 And I'll pay you back next week I'd like to say I would have the same Conviction perhaps that he had But I think I'd be a bit

[00:18:55] Of a softy and I'd cave I'm always very conscious of it I'm very conscious That's interesting that you Were not spoiling our girls But I do believe That it's important So does that come from A place of worry That you're not And so does that come from

[00:19:08] A place of worry That they could be eaten up By the world Yeah, it really does Because it's not how the world works Yeah, it really does And I know there's a balance Somewhere in the middle there I don't think you quite have to

[00:19:19] Be the school of hard knocks That my dad was I feel like your dad went for Hard knocks And you've gone for A softer approach of gratitude But they have the same point To understand perspective I remember when you First launched this podcast Home you said something like

[00:19:34] I don't know what it was It was something like As a dad I think about Being a dad so much I can't believe how much I think about being a dad Like how do I get better Am I doing a good job

[00:19:46] What can I learn from that person You know, like I'm obsessed by it Like in a good way I think It's become the most important Job I'll ever do Which I know again cliche But I actually think about that a lot I did And I think the learning

[00:20:02] From season one of doing this show Was it's a very common thought And I think what we discovered Putting the show out there And the feedback was Yes, that's where I'm at too Where you suddenly You know, I think for a lot of guys

[00:20:15] They felt like they were doing Like this event in private But you're like Oh great other people are thinking About how to be better At the technical side of this And also that The reason I think it feels big And it's never solved Is because every day

[00:20:31] There's a new challenge And you whatever You've learned so far might not have Prepared you for this next little bit And this next challenge So many dads are there with like You know, they've got that strong exterior And they probably would never say it To you first

[00:20:44] Like they probably never show their vulnerability Or talk about a really sort of sensitive Moment that they have with their kids first But as soon as you do It opens up There's like Oh my god, yeah absolutely The other day at the park This magical thing happened

[00:20:59] I had a tear in my eye And like that Like with the sleeve And you know The motorbike wasn't telling you that Beforehand But the second you do it It's like we all have these thoughts And I think it's because When our kids come along

[00:21:12] The love is so massive It's terrifying Like we're terrified It's so big That you also realize how scary it is Because you've never felt like that before Yeah, something that You've got something to lose Yeah And like literally lose Or do it wrong Yeah

[00:21:29] And you've not stopped this The flow of time And you're terrified of like Of not effectively using the time And I'm not going to get it right And I'm not going to get it perfect But what can you know As I can tell from you

[00:21:41] That I think that's what's inside us That making us go I don't want to look back on this And go Geez if I'd just given it A bit more thought Or changed things a few degrees It could have had a much better Yeah just more time More thought

[00:21:53] And then on this I mean we probably should have done this At the start But we've got carried away I'm glad we did What are your three Do you have your three linchpins Your three sort of values Cornerstones of what You reckon your dating Felicities based on

[00:22:10] It's definitely around You know adventures Like I love I love every night Almost before bed with Willow and Charlie If I did it to Eve She might think you're weirdo Like you know we're a bit past that But Willow and Charlie Every Almost every day

[00:22:28] Like even if it's a school day For them, Kinder and Prep There's still an adventure to be had You know it might be Tomorrow we're going to go A different scooting route To school and we're going to see What we can discover It's just something very basic

[00:22:40] Like these are little simple pleasures For both them and for me But I really like to plant The seed of what tomorrow's adventure Is going to be And almost I feel like that Is a nice thing for them To go off to sleep And dream about

[00:22:53] So I'm very big on adventures So that's your nighttime ritual With the Yeah we'll read books And then Charlie will go to bed And then I'll spend another 20 minutes With Willow Because she's just starting Her little reading process And we'll do some sort of Very simple prep

[00:23:11] Reading books What are you talking about? You say it's a little thing But I mean it resonates with me Because I'm like I think that's a big thing Because if that's the nightly practice I think what you're teaching Is optimism The idea of what could tomorrow hold

[00:23:27] Optimism and imagination It's going to be good And let's We can take this anywhere This is our path to create I love that So adventures, creativity And then just being there Like the one from my dad Is just making sure I am there as much as possible

[00:23:49] And yeah I don't know I'd really just cherish every moment When you say the one from your dad The inverse Yeah well making sure I don't have the same regret That he had Yeah I just I don't know It was kind of a funny thing back then

[00:24:11] That I think dad perhaps felt Because mum had this wonderful relationship with us That box was being ticked But I feel that the world I have With my kids is very different Not better But very different to one's nez has And I feel like they're much better off

[00:24:33] They have both those worlds Of course And yeah I mean I think men of our dad's generation Thought that Totally Yeah I don't think my dad was on his own They didn't look at it I don't think they looked at it to be like

[00:24:45] Oh you need a mum and a dad Or you know all these those two dads And two different parents You just need human contact And if you're getting that from your mum That's awesome Exactly And without realising Oh a child will want both parents

[00:25:04] Or however many parents have got in their lives Will want they need to feel that love coming back Yeah Absolutely man Yeah Gold standard dadding Do you have a gold standard in your life? Well I have to band it Who is the gold standard dad

[00:25:19] I think for everybody Yes you would be deep in bluey Very deep in bluey You're going to go through many iterations Where you're out of bluey Then you're back in bluey Well will I think she's bluey And Charlie thinks she's bent I think she's bingo

[00:25:30] Like and it's almost the exact age difference And their personalities similarly sort of match those two It's quite uncanny So you know I get called big fella On a regular basis around there Morning big fella They both crack out laughing Like we get the joke

[00:25:46] Mum probably doesn't get the joke But he gets the joke We've filled him in you know It's that funny little sense of humour That they're already developing But I look It would probably be my dad For how he raised us when Mum passed away

[00:26:02] Like that's a pretty deep one I mean I see little ones all the time That you know I look at And I just go God I love You know at Evie's formal there was a Doctor hosting the pre-formal drinks Last weekend and he'd left a conference

[00:26:19] That he was hosting to host the pre-s That's awesome His daughter then went to the formal And then he was going back to work The 12am to 3am after party shift While hosting this 500 doctor conference Down at the you know whatever it was

[00:26:38] And I'm like God how could that Like he knew what was it was that important to her He was probably doing a 20 hour shift To make that happen But it wasn't even a question And he wasn't telling me to show off

[00:26:51] Or anything I kind of probed and it just came out Yeah that's awesome It was just a beautiful little moment Because I think those are the ones where we're like That's the kind of dad we want to be The guy not that he's

[00:27:01] Not someone that's necessarily doing like heroic Work hours all the time But is the person that I think we all want that ability to go This is important to our kids And I think it's important to them That they're not going to look back at me

[00:27:15] Like I missed picking up that something was important Especially with teenage because they never tell you In fact they go the other way They eave you a lot Like it's if I want you guys there Roll of the eyes and SNES is really good

[00:27:28] SNES is like you know she does want us there You know like that's all a little bit of a facade Like this is where This is where as guys were like Okay great Yeah cool Nope not off She just said she doesn't want us there

[00:27:41] She couldn't have been clear and she's like I'm telling you I know her She does and SNES is right And this is where you need the wisdom of the mum My wife says stuff to me all the time Where she's like mate you know when girls say that

[00:27:54] We mean the other thing That's wrong We don't know that We think you mean what you say Mate I've got five of them in my house The dog and I are the only males We just look at each other with this I want to have a face

[00:28:08] Always learning what's going on here We better go for a walk and have a little chat But yeah but you know I think to answer your question It would I mean it would just have to be my dad He sold his business For 30 cents on the dollar

[00:28:22] And literally Took didn't work from When I was 15 to 18 While he basically got to know his three kids Took care of us, got us You know not through but helped us enormously Through the death of our mum And didn't go back to work again

[00:28:38] Until we basically ran out of money And Like you just never forget that And he was hilarious You know he's like alright kids We're starting from scratch here I can remember like it was yesterday You know it was a long time ago It was 27 years ago

[00:28:56] I'm starting from scratch here So far in my repertoire I've got baked beans on toast Or eggs on toast I'm sure So you know got me a bit of slacked up That's awesome Because mum did everything But right in that Incredibly painful Moment You know

[00:29:16] The fact that he leveled with you Must have been Life saving really Like guys let's We're in it together Yeah it really was And my brother sister and I Brought us I think closer together And it brought us closer to him

[00:29:34] And now we all are very very close Unreal Your professional side of things Like 28 and like you know Hugely successful I bring this up because I reckon there's a lot of Like we probably have a lot of guys in their 30s 40s And you know men and women

[00:29:52] Like as you're getting older And when kids come along like you know Things get harder when you get kids coming along And the things you talk about in terms of like Physical activity and exercise and stuff around the kids Like the messages you give the kids

[00:30:04] Like what is it you know because it's something that's important to you And how does that translate to those guys It's funny I asked them sometimes do you know what I do Because it's not like a clear cut job Yeah Yeah yeah yeah you do the like

[00:30:16] Dancing and workout thing I don't really do dancing I'm not sure where the dancing is But that was kind of Charlie's answer So they kind of got it But I don't know I had a kids gym for a long time Before I had kids

[00:30:28] So I've always loved working with kids And it was always sort of That realisation because you'd work with Heaps of different kids some super sporty Some not so sporty trying to help them get active My philosophy always Was you know it's not your job

[00:30:42] To tell them what to do It's your job to listen And to facilitate and if that means Trying two or three Different activities every school term For four years so you've Exhausted almost every option Then so be it because Not all kids play soccer and basketball or footy

[00:31:00] And netball you know they will Need to try different things some kids Are more attracted to team sports Some kids love individual sports Some kids like the sort of left of centre You know if your kid wants to do sumo wrestling And orienteering fantastic you know

[00:31:14] I probably a long time ago Had a slightly different idea in my head Of what my kids would do sport wise Because I thought I maybe have boys and girls And my Saturday mornings now Are And I love them Hung over or not I love them So we

[00:31:32] Charlie and Willow both have ballet But they're not old enough to be in the same class So Charlie's classes at 9am Willow's classes at 11.15 And so I take I take Charlie to ballet And then Willow and I do bike riding lessons And off we go we come back

[00:31:48] And then we have to drive home like maniacs And then we have to change outfits Willow puts the ballet on Charlie puts the bike running We drive back to the ballet centre and we go again To the same loop it's like deja vu from an hour ago

[00:32:00] And it's a 3.5 hour turnaround You know like by 12.30 on a Saturday We're all exhausted And you need a nap You need some big bike k's But I love it I kind of thought maybe We'd be at soccer or cricket Or footy or whatever Totally

[00:32:20] Here's something I do think about Perhaps more so with my daughter And maybe I'm even now as I'm just saying this I'm like it's obviously an issue for both boys and girls With activity And with physically changing you've been able to change Or not change your physical shape

[00:32:34] And capabilities There is body image stuff that comes with And I, with my little girl You know you look at the way society is And all I want Is desperately for my little girl to grow up And be happy in her own skin

[00:32:48] I'm not sure of what the steps are to do it Like I have a hunch loving your body And loving what it can do And having your dad tell you that he thinks Every part of you is amazing Is what I go for

[00:33:00] Which is a pretty good start I remember That's literally the best I have My fear is delaying Not my fear, my hope I guess Is delaying any Of those thoughts that are probably inevitable At some stage in a girl's life In everyone's life to a point

[00:33:16] But I hate that you hear stories of that At 9 Like that breaks my heart Like I've got him ahead Yeah there'll probably be a bit of that in high school It's almost unavoidable probably I'm sure there were guys embarrassed about swimming at school

[00:33:30] I think it's so common amongst guys To have body issues But it's Probably way more not talked about A lot of mates grow up and they're like Oh yeah for 20 years Had body issues T-shirts on in the pool and I'm always sick On school swimming day

[00:33:48] When I think back it was happening when I was at school I was probably just oblivious to it But Yeah I mean it's a really tricky one Is there messaging you give to your girls? Is there language that you use? I'm very conscious of Focusing on the celebration

[00:34:04] Of the body and the fun Kids should just be moving and having fun Kids shouldn't be exercising Totally That's what you focus on the message of celebrating What our bodies can do Yeah my girls are very And I don't know if I've done this consciously

[00:34:20] Or if it's just happened But they're very big on becoming big and strong Yep And I quite like that Their words that appeal to them Rather than skinny and fit You know like I would hate them to be chasing skinny and fit Like beautiful is the one

[00:34:38] That gets me pretty Forget that That breaks my heart Because I don't know where it comes from Because we never talk like that Like I will even and you hear this a bit And we're pretty big propones for it in our house

[00:34:52] Like I'll never go you look beautiful in that dress You just are beautiful because you're you No matter what you can't escape it You're just beautiful And you can have a fancy dress on And it's fun to dress up and be silly And be in different outfits

[00:35:06] And that's fine But it doesn't change your The aesthetic And it's just so everywhere In society and it you know I always feel like I'm completely and adequately battling Against that push of society Oh absolutely And when they're a certain age

[00:35:24] It's not about you know we don't say stuff Like it's what's inside the cancer And the thing like crappy like that Because they wouldn't understand what that even means But we do I'm big on being kind to people Like you know when

[00:35:38] The teacher sort of says oh Willow's got a really nice She's such a kind kid Like that's better than Winning the swimming carnival That's what a proud dad moment You know in those quiet moments I'll make sure I sort of say to Willow

[00:35:52] Like oh your teacher said to me today That you're very kind and you know Like I don't know if you know what that means Sort of do you talk about it And yep she does know what it means Happy proud dad like and she's kind of like

[00:36:04] Oh that's good you know Just instilling those I don't know those principles And morals that I think are really important I'm big on that with my girls I agree Sorry so Sammy one thing I wanted to Ask you Tim who sits in the corner

[00:36:20] On the buttons and makes the podcast with us Also has four daughters and It was as an eight month old as well And went into the Birth of his fourth, had three easy births And it was like oh here we go again

[00:36:32] But we became pretty good at it by that stage Can I just say easy for me Sorry I just thought I should really do it Very careful No no we've just got back half the audience We're a breeze Good clarification Good clarification Yes Fino, this is really good

[00:36:52] I went for a run in the afternoon Really relaxing Sorry yes Apart from the happy incident of being a baby At the end, relatively Medically straightforward Good clarification But then the Most recent with Tricky And I know you faced a similar situation How was

[00:37:16] That A at the time And then B looking back At that how is it sitting with you now Yeah it was Really interesting like You don't quite grasp How challenging some Births are you know No birth is easy But we were lucky We had pretty uncomplicated births

[00:37:40] With Lohan Charlie But Harper came So Snez Snez had terrible pregnancies Always really nauseous All the kids She's an absolute machine She's a real pro But with Harper She got really sick Like Weird sick the night before Where she was shaking And shivering and sweating

[00:38:08] And couldn't get warm And couldn't go to sleep Was in sort of too much discomfort And I said right we're going to take you to the hospital It was about two in the morning And she's like no no I just got to sleep

[00:38:22] And we actually had our one month Eight month check With our obstetrician the next morning So at nine o'clock She's like it's okay we're seeing the obstetrician in the morning anyway Anyway She finally sort of fell asleep Exhausted in this pool of sweat At about three a.m.

[00:38:40] And she woke up at seven a.m. And Stood up out of bed And a water broke on the floor And it was eight months At eight months And she was always Really conscious Like as a 41 She had a EV when she was 24 Yeah

[00:39:02] And she had Harper when she was 42 Yeah right So we went straight into the obstetrician's office Which is in the hospital anyway And sort of said oh look this is what's happened I think her water's broken He's like I don't reckon But we'll check of course

[00:39:18] He said you guys are going to have this baby in The next few hours She's like oh okay anyway But and you could tell He was worried about SNES You could tell like he was like I don't want to let on But I wasn't somethings up here

[00:39:34] Anyway we went straight up Into the birthing suites And Harper was born Maybe Maybe four or five hours later So it must have been about mid day And then SNES's whole body shut down They had to rush Harper off who's you know a month

[00:39:54] Brem and you know we're really worried about her She was absolutely tiny To get her into the little baby Whatever it's called I can't remember what it's called The ICU And then SNES had to go To the other part of the hospital Into the ICU for adults

[00:40:12] And they'd worked out that she had Something had happened in her placenta Where she got sepsis In her placenta And it was starting to spread into the rest of her body And The doctors sort of said if we hadn't caught it In that kind of

[00:40:28] It was this really weird thing They were They were about Harper had just been born And It was all this commotion In this tiny little room About seven or eight doctors And nurses And they took Harper off And then as the nurses About to leave the obstetrician said

[00:40:52] Don't you go anywhere with that placenta We need that tested And it was about to sort of get shipped off And taken to wherever they take them And thank god he said that Because it's when they did that blood test That they found this Sepsis

[00:41:08] And the sepsis had spread to Harper And they were sick The doctors were More concerned with SNES Because they're like this is really serious And they were pretty good at keeping it For me and they sort of told us all this stuff Maybe four or five days later

[00:41:24] When SNES had recovered And so it was more of an emotional trauma That SNES and Harper Had to be separated And all it says what to do was hold the baby And I had to kind of comfort SNES But they were clearly worried about her health

[00:41:38] Rather than the fact that you can't hold your baby We've got to get our priorities right here But the first Five weeks of Harper's life She was in the ICU And we had to get The juggle of me taking care of the other three girls SNES

[00:41:54] Insisting against all the Nurses advice and wishes You need to rest up that she needed To spend 14 hours Of every 24 at the ICU And I was in there for As many hours as I could be We could get help taking care of the girls at home as well

[00:42:10] So it was stressful And it makes You realise for those Births that Suddenly aren't joyous That are medical Emergencies what people Go through So only I think It's a weird thing to say Because SNES is so close with all of our girls But she has a very unique

[00:42:34] Bond with Harper because of that Like there's a There's a closeness That Of course they would be still close But there's something There's something magic that happened In those 15 hours Of holding her for the five weeks And All the breathing apparatus And I don't know

[00:43:01] It's almost like Harper knows What she did There's something special there Were you scared? Yeah I was I would have been Heterified I was worried about Harper But the doctors and nurses were always saying Look it's just Getting it to eat And get big and strong

[00:43:25] And don't worry lots of babies Go through this I know you guys haven't necessarily experienced it firsthand It's more common than you think I would have been Petrified I think if I'd known the severity Of how SNES was at the time But I didn't because

[00:43:43] I was sort of saying if she hadn't got this out of it If the baby hadn't got out of a system And therefore we hadn't discovered the sepsis She probably would have died in three days So it was actually like her body

[00:43:53] The sickness that she felt the night before Was her body's way of shutting down And telling her she has to get this baby out Or something really bad is going to happen Oh my god So it was pretty horrendous I mean it doesn't Come any more serious

[00:44:09] No no no I mean it's just that it shows The woman's SNES issue The whole time I was only worried about Harper Never worried about herself I'm so glad that was That was as bad as it gets Still a happy ending Yeah absolutely Absolutely healthy and happy

[00:44:29] And she's a fat Chubby chick that I'm a legend now So good Now This might spark something It might not but what was the last mistake That you made as a dad That you reckon that you went and I can I could change that I think

[00:44:51] I make mistakes all the time from a Patience perspective like I do get Big cranky a bit early And That's interesting I would say A very common Yeah yeah I don't know I feel like I learn from SNES a lot Like her ceiling is way higher than mine

[00:45:11] And I actually learn from her And realise that the mistake that I've made Because she goes softly One or two more times Than I would have And actually gets a perfect resolution Where I have a bit of a Moment and then Of course it doesn't get the reaction

[00:45:29] Yeah you know Charlie Especially she's the most Stubborn little thing She'll close her door I'll sit in here for four hours You watch me She will dig her heels My little girl is pretty similar From a very young age Just knew That we have no leverage really

[00:45:51] She can out wait us all It's our job to keep the day going And she can go on strike Forever She's like on strike Just immediately saw the power imbalance And went wait a second I have nothing to do, know where to be Exactly you watch me

[00:46:09] Not going to work today dad, that's it And you're just like god damn it She knows So from a Patience perspective Do you ever have those moments Where you might have raised your voice Or you got frustrated Do you make steps to try and undo that

[00:46:25] Or how does that Process go for you in the aftermath of that I don't necessarily try and undo that moment Because again I probably feel like I'm shining a lot on a moment Where I'm not very proud of myself And I don't know if it's

[00:46:39] I probably tell myself That's not a good thing to Harp on with the kids Because it wasn't a good moment But the reality is I'm probably just embarrassed and I want to move on Like I'm a bit ashamed and I want to move on

[00:46:53] If I'm being really honest But I want to learn from it You know like I'll Yes, there's an I talk about it a lot You know like when we As you do you become obsessed with your kids And 90% of what you talk about is your children

[00:47:07] But we do talk about that a lot That's something you are working Yeah, yeah And particularly with Evie I don't feel Snez sets enough boundaries And Snez thinks My boundaries are too severe And I'm sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle But You know I

[00:47:29] I sort of say to Snez I say it's not our job For her just to love us Yeah In fact And I promise you She's not going to love us any less You've got to distinguish the two And It's our job to prepare her for the real world

[00:47:49] I mean she finishes school at the end of this year And there are certain Things that she's not very good At taking care of herself because Snez does everything For her like you know In the general scheme I think she's a wonderful kid

[00:48:01] And these things don't matter as much But I'm like it's our job To prepare her for this big wild world Out there I mean she wants to go to New York And study fashion I'm like so any She'll just get eaten up and spat out

[00:48:13] If we keep doing things for her And so that's always That's always a battle And I think sometimes We Like we get very worked up About that because we both feel very strongly About it and we're probably at either ends

[00:48:29] Of the spectrum and we're just going to be more Conscious of having those conversations And Evie hears us Like her bedroom's upstairs She's got her own little sort of teenage retreat Who knows that you're also trying to figure it out Yeah Sometimes it would be beneficial If she

[00:48:47] Heard our conversations if they were really calm Like this other times we get A little bit aggravated and I don't think That's doing any favours because I think All that she probably hears is I'm the cause of our problem And it's not, it's not, it's our problem

[00:49:01] She just happens to be a part of it But that's the last thing I would want her to think But yeah it's been Really steep learning curve You know I think one thing that I always think is I'm not the best parent

[00:49:17] With my little girls but I'm learning Kind of at the same rate that they're growing So we all started A base camp And now we're going through it At least at the same level Exactly, whereas with Evie I met her and she was nearly 10 No warm up

[00:49:35] No learning Bang! And so I've made So many mistakes And Wish I could change so many things But I was just kind of thrown in the deep end And she's gone from not really Having a father figure in her life So it was jarring equally

[00:49:55] If not 10 times harder for her And so we've filled each other out And I think we're going to land in a really nice place But I'm really grateful for the fact With the little girls That I have that sort of ground zero And I'm sure I learned

[00:50:11] And the age gap's significant So even the learnings with Evie I'm sure I'll be able to apply them one day But it's hard, you know 17 to 3 There's not a lot that carries over But it's that, I mean And this is like with a blended family

[00:50:27] Like that or coming into a relationship With a woman that has a child already for you Like that Decision though I mean it must have been a moment There's obviously that moment And there'll be tons of guys listening to this That have a stepchild

[00:50:43] Or in the blended family situation I imagine that there is that Moment where you go I'm in, I'm doing this And initially, of course It can only be before you meet the child Because of the love That you have for that woman

[00:50:59] You don't know what you're committing to You can only be conceptual Before you meet the child And then there's that moment to go I will take this on And no matter what Because you don't know the kid And now here you are 9 years later And you do know

[00:51:19] As you say, I'm sure Every person in your position Or similar would feel like Of course It comes with that Unknown And therefore up-stounds rockiness Feeling out missteps I think it's hugely commendable And a beautiful thing That the overarching thing is

[00:51:41] You made the call and you loved her And you love her Yeah, absolutely I never really think about that To be honest I don't know Snares are nearly lost necessarily But almost shut the door Perhaps to the fact that she was going to meet someone

[00:52:01] Who was going to Have more kids and that kind of thing And wanted more kids And so that was an interesting conversation To have You think, well then why did she go on the bachelor She went on the bachelor because Evie told her to

[00:52:15] And said I'll be home in a week They'd never spent one night Apart in their entire lives And she was on the bachelor for 16 weeks While Evie stayed with Barbara and Ditto grandparents And then she came home And we've been together ever since So it's just so weird

[00:52:33] She would have known by week 14 I think mum's doing alright That's right, there might be something in this She was pestered at the school She said, I reckon she's final three Top three You gotta be top three And look, I don't know, it was hard for Evie too

[00:52:49] Like early on She said, your mum and dad are the bachelor Sam and Sam are this kind of stuff And she's like, oh please I'm going to vomit Go away with that nonsense Because to her inside it's just like People, they're mum and dad

[00:53:05] It'd be nice if things were about me Not about my mum and dad So we've been very conscious about that We very much distance ourselves We're like, not that it should be about us But if other people try to make it about us

[00:53:17] We kind of shut that down as quickly as possible And Yeah, I mean what a Great learning experience has been Of course I wish I'd done Many things differently But I think Evie and I Are going to have a wonderful relationship for a long, long time And

[00:53:37] We'll probably look back and laugh At those ups and downs I've said to her a number of times I've explained to her the relationship With my dad and because she's old enough to understand And I've said Evie At times I thought I hated him

[00:53:53] At times I was so angry at him But since the age of 20 Barely a day has gone by like I said before That I haven't been grateful for those tough life lessons that he taught me And I know you can't see it now

[00:54:07] And I know what I'm saying to you You're rolling your eyes and you're going I don't believe this But I promise you there'll be a moment Or hopefully many moments Where you go He was actually right and that's actually helped me And We'll see So we continue

[00:54:27] Sounds like a part one What are you doing same time 2027 We would love to have you back 2027 See what it really sounds like to me though Is for the man that tells his girls At the end of every day You know, what could tomorrow hold What an adventure

[00:54:45] I think you've lived it You've absolutely lived that philosophy Of jumping into the adventure And only Throwing more and more love and excitement at it And embraced all the good things that have come from it Sammy, I think it's awesome man Thanks for coming on Man so good

[00:55:11] I really love that from Sam And again, I would never speak for you As the audience but I I got a hunch that I think what a lot of people Will love about that episode is You know, Sam's He's got a real honesty and Rawness and

[00:55:27] Even just there at the end like he's The honesty of You know, he's Wins but also his challenges and Missteps and Of navigating a blended family And going through his The stuff he's dealt with in his personal life I think there'll be a lot of people that

[00:55:45] Really touched by that so Sam If you're listening back to your own episode You should be very proud of it Because we all really enjoy listening To it and I really thank him For his time and I only thank you guys

[00:55:57] Again, thanks for all the correspondence we get Here at the show too We really love We really love reading that stuff and if we don't respond To anyone we do try and read Absolutely everything that comes in and they're all Really beautiful stories so

[00:56:11] Thank you for that, thank you for listening, thank you for I know if you listen to this You're like all of us just trying You're absolutely hardest to be The best version of A father or a mother or A son or a daughter or whatever it is

[00:56:25] You're taking from this, you're trying to Be the best version of your own, I think that's awesome So thank you, we'll see you next time This episode of How Are The Dads Dad was produced by Tim Bartley and his good friend Hamish Blake Our theme music is

[00:56:45] Of course the star of the show, apart from the guests And by the incredibly funny And clever Tom Cardi We recorded this on the lands of the war-unjury people Of the cool and nation who have passed their parenting stories Down for thousands of generations

[00:56:57] And we pay our respects If you want to drop us a line head to our website HowAreTheDadsDad.com Thanks again for listening To the video And if you want to see more of How Are The Dads Dad Have a great week And we'll see you next time